c0uRag3

2008-08-25T00:44:00.001-07:00

zara.jpg

Posted via Pixelpipe.

2008-07-07T02:56:00.000-07:00

happy european classic romantic. Like Carrie in final season of SATC but happy.

pain

2008-07-02T21:55:00.000-07:00

it pains me.it pains me deeply in the hart that you r a million miles away.it sux.i try to be cool abt it but its really hard. I js wan to be there w you. i try to be strong n focus on all the aspects of my life that makes it wonderful but it ends up hurting more than ever:(
help me!

falls apart

2008-05-13T20:53:00.000-07:00

when it hits so close to home, and the person you loved and trusted w all ur life n held up high in the pedestal, fails u. I don knw what to do, i am truly broken.

2006-12-13T02:51:00.000-08:00

You are The Moon
Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

The thing is....

2006-12-11T01:58:00.000-08:00

The thing is i've been so in love the past couple month! However much i deny it, this is the truth! I would have never expected to fall in love or rather, choose not to be in love or choose not to fall in love to protect myself!Protecting myself from what, that i don't know! I chose to have a rlationship with myself - which was very a very happy one, which never failed me! Then, someone jus walked into my life - and loved the person that i am , despite all flaws, he could only see the best in me!So, the walls of defence i spent years bulding came tumbling down! All i knoe is - despite alll said and done, i have succumb to it! The falling in love i mean...
So, is this how is suppose to go? How its suppose to start? Do you predict the future of your relationship?Do you jus enjoy every moment you have with this person coz life is short and every moment spent together is precious? Do you forgo all and let go of yourself? Saying all this - i sound so naive! So 17! I always believe that there is someone out there for you, someone who is your soulmate,whether you meet the person or not is purely on fate, destiny and your own instincts! And when your fate, destiny & instincts bring you together, it doesnt mean it will be a fairy tale ending - that's a lie - that's what hollywood tells us, that's what ppl make u believe. So - yes, you will meet your soulmate, but not necesarry the faiy tale ending like depicted in Hollywood or Disney! This is the real world! Wake up! More often that not, you will bump in to him/her,meet her once in your life and never see each other again, or if you are really lucky, you prob meet this person and spend/share your whole life together, but not necesarry being spouses etc. Jus bein merely friends, or even biz partners, aquaintance, someone u bump in to at the bar, someone u bump in to at the market place etc...But this connection, this bond, this feeling, this whatever you call it is so strong! You may not necesarry talk or see or have contact with this person - but at the back of your mind, regardless whether you are attached or not - goin on wit your own life, u think abt this person - u wanna share tots with this person - somehow, in a very weird magical way - this person inspires! Gives u a reason to breathe, gives u a something , an energy to keep u goin.....Its like finding ur missing limb.Its even stronger than the ever so glorified LOVE! But - not many ppl, live to realize this! Even less ppl come to terms with it.EVen lesser ppl acknwledge this...But this- gives life - true meaning! So, have u ever felt like u belong to someone?Like a mystery connection?If you have, embrace & the memory of it last a lifetime in ur heart! & You have been blessed!

Brand New Start!

2006-12-11T01:55:00.000-08:00

So much has happen over the months of not blogging here...But, this is a fresh new start! I promise myself this much!:)

So stay tuned!

Obituary

2005-08-29T04:57:00.002-07:00

My fascination or infatuation for this particular person is driving me up the wall.Let's put it this way...I have not seen this person for 8 days now. Heck - he doesnt even know i like him.Well, unless he is a psychic. Haha. I think i should just leave it at that or trust me to make a fool outta myself. Hahah..

This way - i think it should be kept that way - so, to minimize the risk of totally humiliating myself, and trust me, it doesnt that much effort for me to achieve that. It will all seem so natural and i will kill myself.
Keep it that way - The thoughts of him makes me smile, makes me happy, keeps me alive, keeps me me working better and more productively. He also somewhat has this ability to make me think of the evry single moment. And if -

The BIG if - If i should ever meet him again by chance - it will be so cool. I would let my feelings lead me and maybe it will turn out into something good for once. I promise to take care of myself, i promise not to humilify myself anymore than i should. I promise - he will not let me go and maybe even like me more than i like him. * Well, these are all predictions and speculation.

I could meet him or talk to him if i want to - but as of now, i should just remain in silence. It's good like that.

And, if i ever pick up the courage to speak to him or arrange to meet up with him, i'll learn more about him, know him better and maybe, with that knowledge - my dreams and paradise or jus my single reason to smile will be ruined. Right?

All i am saying is - i am not gonna pursue this any further. I am just gonna feel the feel. And, sooner or later...it's just gonna fade of. I am sure.

Desafinado

2005-08-29T04:57:00.001-07:00

Se voce disser que eu desafino amorSaiba que isso em mim provoca imensa dorSo previlegiados tem ouvido igual ao seuEu possuo apenas o que deus me deuE se voce insiste em classificarCom o meu comportamento de anti-musicalNao lhes vou mentir ate vou comentarQue isso e bossa-novaQue isso e muito naturalQue voce nao sabe nem sequer pressenteE que os desafinados tambem tem um coracaoFotografei voce na minha role-flixRevelou-se a sua enorme engratidaoSo nao podera falar assim do meu amorQue bem maior que voce pode encontrarVoce passou a musica e esqueceu o principalQue no peito dos desafinadosNo fundo do peito bate caladoNo peito dos desafinados tambem bate um coracao

A ray of hope

2005-08-29T04:57:00.000-07:00

My horoscope today says -
Love is containing an element of duty, but hang in there, things will lighten up. With Venus and Jupiter in your travel zone, it's a great time to notch up some extra frequent fliers points or plan a trip for later this year.

My interpretation 1 - He is bz with work, hang in there, he'll call soon. Hahaa. And while at that, plannning for your HK trip will do u good.

My interpretation 2 - He's bz at work, so u plan for your trip, but how can i plan a trip without him? I need his input.

That aside - i like my hate my hate style now. But i like the color. Maybe i should have neve lighten my hair. Seem to look nice dark tho!

Work - I dont know. Unmotivated. I need a break i think. COme to think of it, i might need breaks more often than normal people. Coz i practically work 7 days a week. My last break ws 4 months ago but now it all seem so long coz i've been workin everyday since the break.

I need to go! I need to see him!.

17 again

2005-08-29T04:40:00.000-07:00

feel like 17 again...hahahah:) I won't say why....i wont tell. I would just say i havent smile like this for years. it jus makes u do weird things- like smile the entire day. Feels like butterflies in stomach. Can't wait.

Aaarrhhhgg.I can't tell.

Sorry. :)

Work

2005-08-27T04:56:00.000-07:00

Its Saturday - and am working again. Been pretty much working all weekends. I dont know if its bad or good for me. Sometimes, when i look back i think its great. I dont know if i am up to this working on weekends thing. But i gotta, got things to do, got responsibilities.

Been good the past few weekends tho - friends been extra kind. Bring me food, talk to me and chill wit me ! Really - i really appreciate it. :)
Anyway- this workin on weekend thing isnt that bad except that weekdays n weekends dont make a different anymore.
Its good that way coz i wont be getting sloshed and all over town every oher day of the week. It's good coz i get to think. Its good coz i sometimes - so far once - meet interesting people at work. Hahahaha!

I dont know - i am jus crazee today. I am missing someone teribbly. I shouldnt be but i am. And he is oceans apart! Fuck -this is life eh?
Otherwise, Friday went on pretty well. There is this one particular person - i nevr think of him, he never crosses my mind ever. But, he is friend and the only time i remember him is when he calls or sms...weird eh?
On the other hand - it might be coz i am too buzy thinking of the person across the ocean. Hehe ! Let's hope he thinks of me too!

*Fingers Crossed*

The Reality

2005-08-25T04:56:00.000-07:00

You look stare at the PC - hoping he would come online.
You jump at every ring of your phone - hoping its him.
You anticipate new e-mail - hoping its him.
You look at his pictures - it brings back so much memories its too overwhelming.
You looked back at the times spent together - its so real, it feels on top of the world.
You think of him so much - it makes you go bonkers.
The thoughts of him puts a smile on your face.
The thoughts of him - makes your heart skips a beat.
The sounds of his voice - takes u to paradise.

The very little time spent with this person has created a new paradise for me. There is so little we know about each other but yet, its the very little memories that keeps us alive. Keeps us sane. Keeps us breathing. Every little thing reminds you of each other.

There's so much uncertainty. But, yet i am smiling. Funny sometimes how you'll find joy in the most unexpected places.

It's my world

2005-08-22T04:55:00.000-07:00

I guess, no one will ever understand the way i feel. And when they dont understand it, they condem it...they think its bad. But reality is, it makes me stronger and a better person. Makes me happy and gives me excitement to get by my life. SOmetimes, i really wished that i can be more dedicated wit my feelings too but somehow - it makes me a sad person. I seek for what i dont have unconsciously.

Well i dont expect anyone to understand. I am just happy that i am happy.
Anyway - i am very happy now. There is the certain someone that keeps me excited.:) Cant tell yet. Really hope things work out well...:)

In Dedication..

2005-08-17T04:55:00.000-07:00

What i have pretty much figured out...

Life is full of surprises, challenges, obstacles and joy.

There are things in the course of nature that we will not be able to change. There are things in life, that we will have to let nature take its own course.However much, we care for a person, we need to learn to let go and let that person grow, learn, makes mistakes ...we just need to be there to to ctahc them when they fall..:)

There are also thing in life that are way to precious to sacrifice in the of excitement, thrill, instant smile on your face, instant joy. I have learned - within a context - admiration n idolism last only for a period of time. Its like a flower - you grow it, wait for it to bloom and once it blooms u r in heaven but once it dies - its dead and not pretty anymore. So, you wil look for something else to admire or idolized. And the cycle goes on. While admiring the flower bloom - sacrificing what you already have isnt worth it. Well, that my personal POV.

This is in dedication to : ( not in any particualr order)
voon amir amit aridass nicholas nicol mohan prakash jassie josie crystal vivien mary amanda christie amanda janice sannice kevin dcruz kevin raj kevin ben raj andreas gianluca nicole bel take taka natalie idora wendy winnie andrea loh andrea melissa alvin aylwin alicia anita arun benjamin connie david deva francis farah swiss chocolate victor ivy jaime jeanne kelvin ken gillian hariz irene kitt loke malar bha meng paul foon tyler vimalviky gaya jaya

Mized Feelings

2005-08-16T04:54:00.000-07:00

It's been hell of a week. Been in so much pain, body feeling really weak and never really healed properly.
My body has been sick and weak for the week which causes my mental ability go down to ZERO!
SO depressed like that - no motivation , no nothing - jus got myself in to too much i can handle i suppose.

But all good - feel better today, still a lil sick and all but, life goes on. My work resumes today, more work, more long hours, more motivation, more things to learn.

Life is great!

I thank all who has been supportive.

Freaked Out

2005-08-14T04:54:00.000-07:00

I have never been so freaked out in my entire life before. I dont know, maybe its just paranoia.
I've decided to stop partying like a bitch. Enough is enough. I've had enough excitement for the past couple of months. Now - today onwards will revolve around family, good friends and work. Enough of breaking hearts, enough of empty promises, enough of giving people hope that doesnt exist.

Enough of being blonde - Haha! I mean it - i need to be myself again. Stop being stupid and reckless. Time to pick up wher you left, move one, properly and get a life.

A real life - no more fairy tale. You dont need it! It's a fairytale!! Get back to reality, live your life - walk the walk!

Be yourself again - Strong, courage and confident

I am in so much pain

2005-08-12T04:53:00.000-07:00

So much pain... removed 2 wisdon tooth today. Less wisdon now i guess.Damm - i never tot it would hurt so much. I hate dentist. Its my ultimate fear - paranoia. Damm...I dunno la...so scary ok. 9 japs. 1 hours in the dentist chair. Damm.

But otherwise - everything seem better. Although in pain, life goes on.

My mission

2005-08-08T04:53:00.000-07:00

Mission 1
I am gonna stop drinking like a fish.
Mission 2
I am gonna put all my effort and energy in to my career.

Mission 3
I am gonna go to the gym and stick to it.

Mission 4
I am gonna stop hurting people. I am gonna be more sensitive to people and be a friend n ot a bitch.

Mission 5
I am gonna stop hurting myself.

Mission 6
Better person.

Mission 7
Get married to a rich old man ...hahahha.. Kidding

I cant believe it

2005-08-08T04:52:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it...both parties know i am dating bith but both are ok with it....one even thinks it ok....one wants to get married asap??

Crazy? Tell me about it...:)

Bummed out

2005-08-02T04:52:00.000-07:00

Kinda bummed out today. Lost my camera. Well, i suppose it's a blessing in disguise.

All pumped up again....

2005-07-31T04:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday - the most amazing thing happen. I am falling for this particular person all over.

Its the most amazing experience ever - i felt goose bumps all over - jus feelin wonderful - feeling light - like i can jump in front of the him while being watched by millions. Smiling from ear to ear!It gives my heart that warm feeling..:)

Damm - i never tot i could feel like that again -its just great!!

And - i am still smiling till today!

I get it

2005-07-30T04:51:00.000-07:00

I get it - or at least i think i do!

I think - i sometimes appear to be a very mysterious person and people start to try n figure it out. Truth is - i dont even realize that i am. Its just weird.

Barely Keeping Me Alive

2005-07-30T04:50:00.001-07:00

There's nothing in the world like being young and in love. It gives you the power to do things you would never have had the courage to do otherwise. It inspires you to make yourself vulnerable, put your heart on the line.

"I am not interested in money. I just want to be wonderful!"

"No one ever told me that I was pretty when i was a little girl. All little girls should be told that they are pretty, even if they arent."

"I want to grow old without facelifts. I want to have the courage to be loyal to the face I have made."

"It's all make believe, isn't it?"

Saturday

2005-07-30T04:50:00.000-07:00

I will never understand the concept of it. I guess that - reality didnt sink in till i saw it with my own eyes. Damm ! Well, it's another experience that makes me grow stronger! If it doesnt kill, it makes u stronger rite?

Fri Nite was fun. Just way too many people. I just want to enjoy my drinks with my close circle of friends and really didnt want to speak to anyone as usual. I feel bad for one particular person anyway. Wat the heck la - most important is - i am happy.

Well - at least now i know its for real. But he just really want to get back at me but sorry dude - it aint gonna work. Its jus gonna make me run further from u . This is the reality of it. Your friends - I know they're giving u a hard time ! Well - enjoy! Time to face the music!

Things just seem to be getting better each day!

The weekend is here again

2005-07-27T04:49:00.001-07:00

Its Friday again. My life or rather my week begins on Friday. Reason I say this is because i work - i mean really work more than i do during the weekdays. It weird.
My typical weeked schedule is usually like this:-
Friday night
9.30 pm - Watch Idol either at studio or home
10.30pm - Get ready
11pm - Head towards a club - meet some friends
5 am - Leave club - Go home - Shower - Chill a little

Saturday
9 am - Head to work
6pm - Finish work - go home - shower
7pm - Meet friends for dinner & continues partying
5 am - Home
Sunday
9am - Head to work
12 midnite - Finish work
1am - Sleep

Good one? Haha. I doubt it . But they keep saying i am crazy. My weekend flies by without me even knowin. Damm.

My thoughts

2005-07-27T04:49:00.000-07:00

Its been hell of a week or rather month! Its been great and fabulous! I've seen and learn lots about reality. Tho some people say there is no reality. I believe there is - MY reality! My own world.

To the wrong man - I am sorry things has to turn out this way but i guess it was great right? I am sure it turned out great for you since life has been kinder to you. Your heart is not tormenting anymore. Your life has been put back to your normal cycle. You dont have to worry about me anymore and best of all - you found someone to fill that void. Someone who will love you without reservations.

My reality has been kinder than ever to me. I have come to realize what i really want finally. I have realise that ultimately - My life revolves around my career at the moment. There is so much i want to achieve and i MUST make it happen. It will happen NOW! I have focused all my energy by to the single love of my life, single satisfaction of my life - my JOB!

Relationships of that kind - I dont need one. I dont need that extra commitment. I have people who care for me genuinely and truely. Thanks sweethearts. I really appreciate it.

It is ironic how a few turns of events can make life so much more brighter and liveable. It has given me experiences that i will treasure for the rest of my life.

The thing with love is - people tend to commit and i guess it requires commitment. I am a person who is afraid of that sort of commitment. I will go thru a phase of trying very hard to be committed but will end up hurting other parties - Damm! What have i got myself into! And will freak out and hurt people.

But on the same note - i too am human. I too have a heart, feeling, emotion and conscience. And i cant deal with people inflicting guilt in to me. I realize it - i try to rectify the situation - but the moment YOU inflict guilt or conscience in me. I will turn to being very defensive. VERY!
And do not bloody hell try to talk me or make me do something i dont want to - Coz u might get it and its half hearted and U will get hurt. Or - i will jus walk away from u.
I am like that - but otherwise -i am not too bad a person i guess. Normal and simple girl.

Crash & Burn

2005-07-24T04:48:00.000-07:00

Had a great weekend. Had a fabulous time. I dont know - something tells me i am falling for him - the wrong one! Its not right - but there is a certain attraction that makes it so hard to say no to him - to be cold to him.
Sometimes - when flashback of things happens - he never fails to make me smile. He is such a sweetie. But at the same time - he is such a jealous person. I dont know if i can deal with that. He is very egoistic - very traditional when it comes to men n women relationship. He thinks that women shld be smart - but follows the men.
Well, i dont mind really - if u gonna be a chauvanistic kid - so be it! But do it all the way.
I dont knw - jus the thoughts of him makes me smile - it almost drives me bonkers sometimes - but its all good.
Maybe - its coz i havent had it -so there is some excitement in wanting it. Maybe -i dont know. But deep down - i know its just a phase - I enjoy his companionship - but once he brigns up the "C" word - i will be running for my life. I know it. I know me well enough to say that. I know i am capable of doing it. I know.

Well - i guess its jus all in the name of fun. He is nice - he likes me - i enjoy hangin out with him. He treats me well - i just cant forsee any relationships happening with him. I really dont.
What the heck !

Seriously - i think i been partying way too much. But what the heck!

Aaaaarrrgggghhhh - i am making myself insane

I'm Sorry

2005-07-10T04:47:00.001-07:00

I am sorry. I can't. I am trying very hard to fight the emotions and i know you are too. And we both know - we are not meant for each other. Its not easy - but its for the best.

Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for pampering me. Thank you for making me happy. Thank you for being part of my life.Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for making me feel on top of the world. Thank you for all the memories we have shared. It will always remain close to my heart.

For now - i am taking the steps back. And i hope you understand. I dont want anyone to get hurt in the process of this. Pls be patient, resolve our emotions - and we will always be there for each other.

I am so sorry. But this is what we have to do to protect us.

It's not happening

2005-07-10T04:47:00.000-07:00

Dont you ever wonder why sometimes something that is so right seem so wrong for you?
I think so.

I am sorry but i just cant anymore. I can't - not that i dont want too. I really cant.
You have been truly wonderful,sweet & patient. I appreciate it.
While everything seems so fine and perfect, there are many things that are unseen in our eyes. When 2 people are so absorbed in each other, sometimes its good to take a step back & look at the situation.
I have done that and i i know u have too. I have to admit that however beautiful things are in our eyes. However happy we are, its temporary.

I dont know where to begin. You are a sweetheart to put up with my psycho-ness.
I hope that both of us just come to grips of reality & look forward.
It is gonna be very hard. It is gonna be very tough - that i think that is it worth it?
We live in a different era - different frame of mind - different perception of the world.
While we really have a lot of good times together - i dont knoe how long is it gonna last. I know for a fact that it is a phase. I am fascinated by you and you are too fascinated by me. But how long is this fascination gonna last.
I try very hard - not to see you. Not to talk to you. Not to be in touch with you - to distance myself from u. Its not easy but i have to. Otherwise, its just gonna make things more difficult - u r gonna fall for me more - and i am gonna fall for u more. And when its time to walk away - we are gonna suffer - we already are finding it hard to stay away from each other.

I am sorry - i have a whole life ahead of me and you already have your life, u r living your life now. I have things i wanna do. I know u r willing to walk the path with me but - i dont want you to. You have been there - u know how it feels like - I havent, i just wanna grow naturally.

I really hope that - fate and destiny will be kinder to you. I hope you will find the lady of your life. I am sorry i am not.

Another great night

2005-07-09T04:46:00.000-07:00

2005-07-09

-->
Where should i start? It was meant to be shopping and home - pretty much that it coz i think , no - i know - i've been out too often. Much more than i thin i should.

So - home - didnt happen - by 11.45pm - was already driving to KL. Savanh again. I didnt want to go Savanh or anywhere near the Heritage Row that night simply b'coz there were 2 people that i dont wanna see. One is him and the other is a crazy kid who think that he is in love with me. Damm. Both bad for me.

Anyway - Crystal n Josie decided to heck the jazz thingy and said - we shld all go to Savanh. Friends...Great friends. So Savanh it is - walked in - scan - relieved that both on the ban list wasnt there.Great - or so i thought.

Danced - Had way too much alcohol - after probably about half a bottle of vodka - i see him! Damm ! So - be cool - he comes over - says Hi - and hunged out with us. Being his normal self - trying to justify thing n so on -i said - Hey, i jus wanna have fun. I dont want anything else. Let's jus have fun ok. Thanks God - he got it.

He's was a gem for the night! *Courage* feels like princess. He's great jus being himself.

Whatever - i think i had way too much to drink to care about anything. So great - another bottle of vodka on the table.

Danced - danced - try mastering the art of dancing sitting on the bar.Hahaha...

One mile away - drowned in the crowd - i see a familiar face waving his hand with a glas of drink at me - Great! Who can it be now.

Sanjeev - Work collegaue - F1 content producer. Great night !! Whatever - came over - Say hi - yadda - yadda....Note to self : NO more dancing on the bar.
So then - i was getting a little irritated - too many people. So - brilliant - Let's get outta here - Zeta Bar! But - Big But - I cant possibly drive. He says - i drive! Perfect - but i cant leave my car here. We take my car - to Zeta Bar.

At Zeta Bar
- More music - more alcohol - more dancing. Another great night. I dont wanna leave - i am having fun.

Time to go home
- Went back - finally more sober - he made food. Trying to calm me down. Sleep.

He made breakfast - He must have forgot that i dont eat.Hahaha.

Anyway - It was a great night. I had a good time. I am sure everyone else did too.

**I really wonder how can someone so right be so wrong...**

No commitments

2005-07-08T04:46:00.000-07:00

Yeah - not ready. I dont want to. Hahah...Who would.While he is nice n great but no, i can't.
I still wanna have my fun. I still wanna do what i am doing. No way - i jus walked away from one - i dun think i am ready for another one.

He is jus great to be around with. Thats it. It should end there.

Maybe - he needs a written agreement. HAhaha...But i guess - rules are meant to b broken. :)

Motionless

2005-07-07T04:45:00.000-07:00

After thinking hard n long, i think it isnt worth it. I am goona end up breaking his heart. Its not fair to him. He's is being such a sweetheart. I think he doesnt deserve to get his heart broken.

Its true - so, i have decide that we shld be friends n made it very clear abt it. I guess he is not takin it very well. But time heals all wounds. .

I hope he heals soon

This is it

2005-07-06T04:45:00.000-07:00

It all seems ok. Let's hope that he chills and dont call and say those things anymore. I feel very flattered but, its harming him more than anything. As for me, i will treat him as a friend only. If he calls, i;ll try n keep the conversations short. If he doesn't i won't call him at all. It think that the best way till he heals.

Its not easy tho. He's like an addiction. He's such gentleman n sweetheart. I hope i wont bump into him anytime soon. I am afraid - we cant keep our hands off each other. Weird but true.

** Take your time to heal. :) I will always be a friend. I am sorry to have to do this - I dont want to hurt you.

It's not funny

2005-07-03T04:44:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong?
He's 39 , She's 23
He's very nice, She wants to be treated nicely
He's a true gentleman, she wants to be treated like a lady.
He likes her, she likes him too
He say's she's way mature than 23
She says - she is jus a normal gal
He says - he's worried abt the gap coz of people perception.
coz
He's white & she's asian

Strength

2005-06-29T04:44:00.000-07:00

Every Wednesday ...
I learn something new...
Every Wednesday ..
Used to make me feel defeated...But now,
I have turned the energy to - strength & empowerment.
- I am not to feel defeated anymore , instead i will be stronger n better..
If i am unsure - i will find out n make it happen, if i am fail - i will make it a success the next .

If life feel dull - i will go shopping..
Hahahahaha...
POint is - i have gown stronger - everytime i feel defeated - i will rise n soar - turn it to positive energy

Dreams Do Come True

2005-06-28T04:43:00.000-07:00

Dream do come true - It usually depends on how hard you work for it and make it come tru. It also depensd on whether u have the courage and guts to make it happen.

Half of my dreams already came true -
- Job that i am happy with
- Parents & Family are healthy and happy
- Friends that loves me to bits
-Car that i am happy with
-Things that i am allowed to do
-Financially independant
-Shop till thy kingdom come
-Holiday and relax totally away from the world that i know
-Scuba & sky diving

The other half of my dreams - Yet to come true but i will make it happen.
- Career Advancement
- That particular someone - Fuck! I am in love with the wrong guy!
- More financial independence
- New House - my own
- New Car
-More Holidays
- More fun in life...
-More scuba & sky diving
-something new to wake up to every morning.
I think i am a pretty simple girl eith big but normal dreams.

I think its normal that everyone wans to do the above - but i want mine to be different -special.

Not cut for the industry

2005-06-26T22:22:00.000-07:00

I am not cut for the industry... i just feel so...but deep dowm i love the industry - its just that at times i feel super depressed of the ways things are going...

I don't know - maybe i fail at delgating - maybe i fail at implementing - but what ever it is - i swear i am gonna make it.!

Passion

2005-06-23T04:43:00.000-07:00

My passion for life .....its's something that i will never understand !...
The Meaning of life will never be understood...i am such a happy peron today - like super happy! Nothing happened ...everything was as usual. Still a lil dissapointed but ...wat the hell...Life goes on...i still need to live...

If it doesnt kill - it makes u stronger:)

and...............ultimately ................when cant desire or want what you already have..........

and.............destiny decides who u meet in life - it is ultimately yuo heart that decides who gets to stay!!

Passion

2005-06-22T22:21:00.000-07:00

My passion for life .....its's something that i will never understand !...
The Meaning of life will never be understood...i am such a happy peron today - like super happy! Nothing happened ...everything was as usual. Still a lil dissapointed but ...wat the hell...Life goes on...i still need to live...

If it doesnt kill - it makes u stronger:)

and...............ultimately ................when can desire or want what you already have..........

and.............destiny decides who u meet in life - it is ultimately yuo heart that decides who gets to stay!!

Courage

2005-06-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

I need some courage to go on -i need a li strength to go on - i need a reason to live - i need a life of my own - i need to move on - i need to grow up - i need to change for the better - i need to listen - i need to be a lil more compassionate - i need to be nice - i need a life - i need to know what i really want ...i need me ...i need the courage i sued to have - i need the spirit i used to have - i need inspiration to go on...:)

This is my life - live with it!

Courage

2005-06-22T04:42:00.000-07:00

I need some courage to go on -i need a lil strength to go on - i need a reason to live - i need a life of my own - i need to move on - i need to grow up - i need to change for the better - i need to listen - i need to be a lil more compassionate - i need to be nice - i need a life - i need to know what i really want ...i need me ...i need the courage i used to have - i need the spirit i used to have - i need inspiration to go on...:)

This is my life - live with it!

Defeat

2005-06-21T04:42:00.000-07:00

Defeated - that is how i feel.
I MUST get wat i want ...I ALWAYS get wat i want ..I am always in the position to play it right ...My WAY!

But - seems not this time...

Its ok! I will MAKE it happen..

Make It Happen

2005-06-20T19:19:00.000-07:00

Defeated - that is how i feel.
I MUST get wat i want ...I ALWAYS get wat i want ..I am always in the position to play it right ...My WAY!

But - seems not thid time...

Its ok! I will MAKE it happen..

Dissapointment

2005-06-15T04:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when u hope so much for something - u give all ur heart n soul to it, u wont get it. Not even close to it.

It feels even worse when u have done everything and there is nothing else you can do coz it all on the other force.

It;s just super disheartening....when comething like this happens...

Al l the air of excitement suddenly just seem to blown away by the strong wind bringing gloomy clouds. I wish i didnt hope so hard.. i wish i didnt felt so strongly about it...

But its not me...its "IT" that excites me, i wouldnt be as excited without it. I have never felt as excited before...like i said..it like 17 again...makes me feel 17, jump like a 17, behave like a 17 year old girl. Its not fair, when all i feel after the excitement is dissapoinment.
But, oh well, if it doesnt kill - it makes u stronger.....

Now - i hope that i will be back to my normal self soon...!

Dissapointment

2005-06-11T21:18:00.000-07:00

Seventeen again.........

2005-06-10T08:17:00.000-07:00

You

2005-06-10T04:48:00.000-07:00

2005-07-10
As for you - the wrong man - like i have said before and i see it even clearer now. It was good and fun for the moment. I dont think we will make it. So, best is - we, no - you resolve your emotions. Once, emotions are normal - or u find someone else - or u can really assure yourself and me that nothin is going to happen between us. We be friends, hang out, have fun and be silly.

I know - you can - easily - find someone else ! and you know it too. Why border yourself with someone who cant really commit.

That is to protect our friendship.

I dont like you the same way you like me. Dont get me wrong - i dont hate you - infact i really like your company - but if we contiue harbouring feelings for each other - hearts are gonna get broken - yours and mine. I have made it very clear very long ago - it's called companionship.

I am sorry if you think i have been selfish by not giving you the priority like how you gave me. I apologize.

I dont want to jump into something and be in it coz i have no way out.

At this point of time - I just wanna be single. I wanna build something of my own. I need to concentrate on my life - my family - my career - and most importantly - moving forward.

I must move on - and leave everything that has happen.

The experiences - have thought me so many valuable realities of life.
I will treasure it - and i will always remember it.

*As much as you and i want to be together - you know is almost impossible. I dont want to leave everything i ever had here. I just started building it.

The Night Out

2005-06-06T04:15:00.000-07:00

i've gotten so use to not goin out with my friends over the last 12 months. I think i can count with my fingers how many times i've been out with my friends. SO much so that now - i don't really want to go out anymore .
The gurls n 1 - planned an outing - girlie night thingy tonight and i am suppose to go coz i was the one who planned it.( Thanks to some un named individuals that keeps buggibg me to do it - excuse: But, u were always the one plainning it - now we have no one to plan outings anymore - and it no fun without u.) Yeah Right Girls.
I think - its more like - everyone had been busy and away. I was the 1st to get my butt back here n stay put while the rest of u monkeys were still sitting for exams in another continent - or honey mooning with the one in some deserted island.

So - story is by hook or by crook - me has to go out tonight or i will be skinned alive. But - really - i dont wanna go - Reasons: Not Dressed. Gotta drive. Its boring getting smashed n payin the dress of like a pair of shoes n dress for it. i wanna sleep. i am not feeling well. Honest. I've been tryin to stay alive to do some work.

So - i try convincing them - which essentially shows that i dun havemuch convincing power when it comes to this. I nee to go.

Now - i need to go to One Utama - find a dress. Apply some makeup - before i scae like half the population away. and drag myself to the gathering.

And, lastly - DO the SMILE n LOOK PRETTY thing. Don't worry - i am a pro at it. I am required to do that all the time.

he does it again & again...

2005-03-26T06:06:00.000-08:00

He breaks my heart again n again....and he proved it again yest nite. Why? Why does he do that? Why do i allow it? Why do i doubt my choices? God save me. Why must i keep feeling sorry or guilty for something that i didnt do??

I dont know....this blog really seems too depressive.
Its all bcoz of him!!

defeated..

2005-02-24T10:07:00.000-08:00

i guess the title says it all....i feel defeated today..sad but true...i have enver felt this way for such a long time..infact i never felt this way or had this feeling ever before coz my life is like a dream come true. it has always been...

However high i set expectations, i will always achieve it. no matter what. no matter how hard. But, i guess the older we get, and the higher expectations we set and we dun achieve it. It will hurt you the deepest.

maybe its because i have alwais achieved my expectation n expectations of people around me thats y i never felt defeated. mayb i was perfectionist.

i feel defeated today..very defeated. its like the planet jus fell upon me.

Its was like this...

The lady's got potential,
she was setting her sights
On making it in movies with her name in lights
The greatest social climber since Cinderella
OK, she couldn't act but she had the right friends
And we all know a career depends
On knowing the right fella to be stellar

High flying, adored
So young, the instant queen
A rich beautiful thing, of all the talents
A cross between a fantasy of the bedroom and a saint
You were just a backstreet girl
Hustling and fighting, scratching and biting
High flying, adored
Did you believe in your wildest moments
All this would be yours
That you'd become the lady of them all?
Were there stars in your eyes
When you crawled in at night
From the bars, from the sidewalks
From the gutter theatrical
Don't look down, it's a long, long way to fall
High flying, adored
What happens now, where do you go from here?
For someone on top of the world
The view is not exactly clear
A shame you did it all at twenty-six
There are no mysteries now
Nothing can thrill you, noone fulfill you
High flying, adored
I hope you come to terms with boredom
So famous so easily, so soon
It's not the wisest thing to be
You won't care if they love you
It's been done beforeYou'll despair if they hate you
You'll be drained of all energy
All the young who've made it would agree
High flying, adored
That's good to hear but unimportant
My story's quite usual
Local girl makes good, weds famous man
I was stuck in the right place at the perfect time
Filled a gap, I was lucky
But one thing I'll say for me
Noone else can fill it like I can

There again I've more to do
Than simply get the message through
I haven't started
Let's get this show on the road
Let's make it
Eyes, hair, mouth, figureDress, voice, style, movement
Hands, magic, rings, glamourFace, diamonds, excitement, image
I came from the people, they need to adore me
So Christian Dior me from my head to my toes
I need to be dazzling,
I want to be Rainbow High
They must have excitement, and so must I
Eyes, hair, mouth, figureDress, voice, style, image
I'm their product, it's vital you sell me
So Machiavell me, make an Argentine Rose
I need to be thrilling,
I want to be Rainbow High
They need their escape, and so do I
All my descamisados expect me to outshine the enemy
I won't disappoint themI'm their savior, that's what they call me
So Lauren Bacall me, anything goes
To make me fantastic,
I have to be Rainbow High
In magical colors
You're not decorating a girl for a night on the town
And I'm not a second-rate queen getting kicks with a crown
Next stop will be Europe
The Rainbow's gonna tour, dressed up, somewhere to go
We'll put on a show
Look out, mighty Europe
Because you oughta know whatcha gonna get in me
Just a little touch of
Just a little touch of Argentina's brand of star quality

and then its like this..

But on the other hand, she's all they have
She's a diamond in their dull gray lives
And that's the hardest kind of stone
It usually survives
And when you think about it, can you recall
The last time they loved anyone at all?
She's not a bauble you can brush aside
She's been out doing what we just talked about, example
Gave us back our businesses, got the English out
And when you think about it, well why not do
One or two of the things we promised to?
But on the other hand, she's slowing down
She's lost a little of that magic drive
But I would not advise those critics present to derive
Any satisfaction from her fading star
She's the one who's kept us where we are
She's the one who's kept you where you are

Now its like.....

Your little body's slowly breaking down
You're losing speed, you're losing strength, not style
That goes on flourishing forever
But your eyes, your smile
Do not have the sparkle of your fantastic past
If you climb one more mountain it could be your last
I'm not that ill, bad moments come but they go
Some days are fine, some a little bit harder
But that doesn't mean we should give up our dream
Have you ever seen me defeated?
Don't you forget what I've been through and yetI'm still standing
Eva, you are dying
So what happens now?
Where am I going to
Don't ask anymore

i wanna smile...

2005-02-17T06:24:00.000-08:00

i wanna smile...NO!that's not it ...i wanna be able to smile again....

Things has been weid. My whole life for the past year has been weird. i have seen thing and done things i would never ever do in normal circumstances. my last whole year is now like flashing pass my head again and it just all sseem so surreal.

i am back at teh position i am in Nov 03. Weird? tell me about it.

Everything has been down except for my career.

I have achieved what i never imagined would happen at all in my career. I thought i would be stucked doing stuffs like every other working person in the damm media industry. But, i guess luck n fate was on my side. i was set put to do the never been done before:) And i am very happy and extremely excited about it.

My social life has gone down to ...zip. Its sad but true. Not because of my career but because i threw myself in aomething that i wasnt ready for. something that i wasnt even sure that was gonna happen. something that i dont even know that ws gonna be so serious....

Myself - and when i look at myself in the mirror. I dont see myself. i dont see anything. i see a human walking corpse. or rather the other me than someone else has mould me into.

i can live in the mask anymore. i can be the person he/she wants me to be anymore:(
I guess there's no point complaining but do something about it. Something that is gonna hurt a lot of people. Something that will take a lot of gut and will damage my reputation more than ever. It was gonna be a lot harder than i thought it would be.

Well girl, just buck up n go on! Go with ur heart:)

Wat's goin on?

2004-11-26T04:59:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentleman,
i am backs. Here i am all yours again! i was hospitalized last week. This is the record for this year! every year or so, i haf not failed to be hospitalized for at least a week. I did it again ...haha!

Back to reality now folks!

i am a new person, i think! i am in such high spirits u wont believe that i would do anything in the world at all today:) including maybe purchasing a one way tickteto Bali and never return again...hahaha! I am serious kids! Don't laugh!

Anyway, here it goes. Mom n dad are all away and i wanna be with them. i know dad wans us to be together. i know mom will be bored alone in Bali. I know everything else but above all, i know my responsibilities:)

My significant other, or what ever it's called, seem to think that i have a problem. He keeps saying, my prob is that i love my job too much. I worry abt it too much. i and igive my life to my job not him...so, guys, is it me or is it him??

My doomsday!

2004-10-29T04:45:00.000-07:00

the only reliable person of 8tv have taken his steps aways...he is a FREE man! Free from the torment of the aquarium! How am i gonna survive?

~what dr3ams may come~

2004-10-23T10:45:00.000-07:00

I watched the movie years ago, and have watched the movies countless times. Robbin Williams in the movie is so real. Look at the smile when he smile. It almost link on the brink crying...Hhhmmm..i dunno how to explain this!!!Damm!

Courag3's Dreams....

2004-10-19T18:21:00.001-07:00

I have a dream. I have a inspiration. I have a will. i have a determination. I have the strength. i have the courage. i have the spirit. i have the energy. i have the soul. i can imagine it. i can visualize it. What the hell am i lacking?

i Miss Bel!

2004-10-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

this Post is Specially dedicated to my Ultimate good fren in Perth..Annabel Chen Li Hsia.

You have no idea what i have been thru with this women. And u haf no damm idea how much she means to me.

She is almost the sister that i never had. I miss her tremendously everyday since i came back. initially i couldnt imagine living without her. Without her laughter, cmile, silliness n everything else.

I know she is suffering the same syndromes too.. i can't wait to see her again. I cant wait to be with my friends again.

I just am losing my grip to sanity!

I love ya Bel! more than anyone inthis world!

should i take a stroll or stay in self destruction?

2004-10-02T22:28:00.000-07:00

i don't know if this is even real. don't know if what i am feeling is real enough to pull me through. Why does he hurt me so much? People say that its always those whom u care n love the most hurts u. so, if that's the case, do i really love n care for him?

I don't know. i can't answer that. so how real is real?

I don't know how long i can hang on this. it's causing me more harm than good. maybe its b'coz i expect to much. my criteria's n expectation are set too high. i don't know.

Someone pls enlighten me...

should i take a stroll or stay in self destruction?

bLanK

2004-09-29T05:22:00.000-07:00

Been extremely busy for the past week. although i have been really extremely busy, but i feel un-accomplished. I don't know if this is where i wanna be. I don't know if this is the best for me. I don't know why the fuckin hell i set such high standards for myself. It didn't even cross my mind till someone said so abt me. Am i setting the standards too high? Too much? Is it enough? When is it good enough? What is good enough? What am i doing to myself?

love,
cynthia

City by The Sea

2004-09-20T23:30:00.000-07:00

Is this my destiny?

Name Analysis: Cynthia
Expression: 8
The Expression number shows us who we truly are, what we came into this life already knowing. This is where we feel most comfortable and how we automatically act. We attract people and situations to us that require our Expression so that they can further evolve. In this way we play the role of teacher. Naturally we are attracted to occupations that we resonate to, so the Expression number can be a strong factor in our choice of a career as well. Our Expression is the vehicle, with all its virtues and vices, that drives us along the path of our Destiny. It is the essence of our identity.
Business, power and money are in your blood. You are the steadfast executive who attains their goals through hard work, amazing courage and untiring determination. People elect you to lead them because of your aura of control and confidence. You like things BIG, and secretly, you like them lavish. Physical strength and stamina make you a likely sports enthusiast as well. Your expression will most likely find you financially supporting others in some way.
Soul Urge: 8
The Soul Urge number has also been called Heart's Desire and Spiritual Urge. It is our secret, innermost longing. Our dream, our motivation, the fuel that energizes our journey. The Soul Urge number reveals what we secretly strive to be or accomplish. Some have said that this number tells us what we have been in previous lifetimes, the accumulated growth of our soul.
Achievement is your motivating force and you will take on the biggest challenge in order to make the longest strides. You will often be chosen as the leader in groups and in functions where organization, strength and determination is needed. Psychology interests you because it enables you to understand the people that you are leading, as well as the competition. Inside, you have the need to excel.
Persona: 9
The Persona number describes the way we appear to the outside world, the first impression people have of us. We may not even be aware of how we are perceived by others because we are so often focused on our inner world, and many times the inner does not match the outer. Persona gives us a peek at some hidden talents we have. The talents that we use to get along in the world and in some instances, protect us from it. It is likened to a bag of tools (jewels) that we carry with us along the way.
People seem to be drawn to you for absolution. You emanate forgiveness, compassion and understanding. Your charming and generous personality brings you love and good luck in abundance. Many people will be attracted to you because of your idealistic and romantic nature. Others will be transformed by your example. You express yourself in the way you dress, and it can range from dramatically bold to mystically romantic to "struggling artist".

Find Me Some Courage

2004-09-17T19:08:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if this is my life. I am not sure if *it* deserves it. But, somehow, everyone just tell me that its ok. And everyone for once is extremely supportive of it. Its unbelievable.

But, this is part of what i want. I want more than this. All aspects. Not one less. Will i ever achieve it or will all dreams be dashed. Is it too late to look back? Should i try harder? How would *they* feel? is it fair for me & them?

Bear in mind, by making these decisions, i am not only paving my the way path for my dreams but also dahing others hopes & dreams.

Someone find me my courage..

High Spirits

2004-08-26T05:02:00.000-07:00

The break was good..5 days only but it did us good:P.

Spoke to my first friend in Perth after such a long long time. He is good, getting on very well with life. Felt a little inspired after speaking to him.

I am in somewhat high spirits if you know what i mean. Seems like there is this unexplainble force behind it.:)

Sometimes, i just wish that life and everyone around me would be simpler.

I always dreamt of being succesfull like everyone else. Success comes with a price tag. No, i am not referring to monetry tag. To be more specific, with success u need to sacrifice ur true happines. I can be as successful as i want, the car, the money, the power, the object of the material adoration and everything else.

But, will i ever be happy with this kind of success. What happens to the simpler things in life...Being the object of adoration of urself. Would I, with all the elements of my success define above, be a happy reflection when i look at myself in the mirror.

Imagine:Posh house, posh car, lotsa money, lotsa social life, lotsa people n media defined goodness. I can have all the above, but what happens to picnics in the park? Fishing at the piers? Doing nothing sipping my fav tea?
Time for myself? Quality time with my loved ones....Will i ever have time if i am successfull?

The Question is: If given, i found all success, will i ever b joyful or happY? Ever? Well, i guess then...I will only count that i have achieved success, when i have all the world can give me n found my own joy..:)True joy!

~strange~

2004-08-20T03:32:00.000-07:00

It's strange how i have somehow got used to....( a lil scary)!
1- him sending n picking me up from work
2-how detached i am with the world
3-how i weird it feels to not see him
4- speakin to him on the hone n hear the background sound that i am so familiar n love
5- how speaking to him knowing he is where i used to be
6- how he is now at somewehre i wanna live n send the rest of my damm life..:)

Its all good i guess...but, its just to freaky how i got so familiar n close to him.

Yes, u may have guessed it right. I am the "Ultimate Commitment Phobic"

beauty.....

2004-08-14T21:02:00.000-07:00

as most of the other things in life..beauty is often media defined . I, unfortunately used to be a sucker for media defined beauty. Which explain my adventures to the hospitals and so on.
Now, currently, really feck i care, what media beauty is...haha. I am beautiful! i always knew i was, but deep in my head there is always a vioce whispering, U R Not good enough babe..
Fortunately, i recovered myself now..:) Life is good!

My thrist to perform...

2004-08-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

It has been always my dream to perform. Perform...it lets me b the person i wanna b. To me, its like the opportunity to be the person i am , and the person that i will never b. To walk another person shoes, to feel the other person's emotions, feelings, strengths & spirits...
Hopefully, this deepest kept secret of mine will come true at one stage of my life:)
But,nevertheless, i am happy with who i am, not content, not ultimately satisfied but ok. Life goes on and i will strive for what i want & dream for...But,still every part of me thrist of the opportunity to perform!

Sometimes, like ppl that are closect to me, they wonder and wonder of my determination n strength...i begin to wonder it now too..how strong, how determined,how willfull am i? Its one gift in that i always thank the soul above.

Like my grandad used to say, "She has her mom's feminity, patience & love, He father's stuborness, determination & attitude, And, the best of all is she has her mom's n dad's intelligence, she will be a performer, not singer, not dancer...an all round true performer, just watch my word!".

God Bless His Soul!

Haunted!

2004-08-13T05:55:00.000-07:00

The sudden elimination of myself out of my own beloved mansion (read:tint room smacked in the middle of Perth) to the real world has now officially made me a lost soul. I truly miss the comfort of my own space, my own messed up war zone comfort zone. Think bed, aquarium, tv, dvd player, books (heaps of my fav strewn all over), coffee maker, Brown Brother's dessert & white wine, my 22 year old Mickey Mouse & others comforter, room temp constantly on 16 degrees, my larger than life astrays, mobile & land line...
No words can ever possibly describe how much i crave or would die for my own space..
My attempt of finding my own space this year in a was a utterly dissapointing attempt.....which makes me a times ponder upon the failure?

Story 1
The Haunted Mansion
So, after days n days of house hunting...way up at the 17th Floor..i found a tastefully furmished unit with a reasonable rent...:)Yes, announced to the world that i found 'My' place....and moved in...in the 2 weeks of planning for my housewarming aka 'let's get pissed' party...i have an eerie feeling everytime i wanna walk in a place that i was abt to call home..sigh. so, i consulted my housemates, and they said didnt feel it...so, i let it go... thinking maybe its just me.
One fine day, my hsemate were watching football on tv and i was fast asleep..4.20am. I woke up shivering...called my sweetheart to my rescue. he was utterly shocked as well when he saw me. My hsemates, were fast asleep at the hall..with bloody football on tv.
I decided to leave the house. And, came back at 8am, to pack my stufss...all of it ..and LEAVE & never return.
Gosh...Which leads on to Story 2.

Story 2
My SweetHeart's Family House
I moved in with him ...i felt way more peaceful. But, i don't wanna stay with my sweetheart. I need my space. My personal space...

The Sort of Finale
My mother's house...My home. I am officially back home, in the comfort of my family esp my 3 yr old bro. He's so adorable. Almost finally, i am at where i am peaceful & comfortable.

So ladies & gentleman,
i am still looking for a place to live...a place that fits the criteria mention at the top of my blog:)

Love,
cynthia

emotions, spirits & strength

2004-08-11T04:54:00.000-07:00

emotions, spirit & strength...:)
to be brutally honest, my emotions are at a very very low level, its not about feeling sad, upset or anythinglike that...its jus a low feeling..but however, my spirits & strength is extremely high...like there is so much i wanna do and can do..i just need to let go of my emotions & let the spirits soar...
soar beyond the seas n mountains...the extremes of the world..:) That defines me!:)

Choice...

2004-07-29T04:38:00.000-07:00

Choices...choices...choices...
why am i so torn?
What are my priorities...I don't feel it when i know my priorities...but i utterly am upset when there is other force involved...Damm!

Independence....

2004-07-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

Independence is ....
manicure & pedicure...?

Independence is something i have alwais achieved & alwais craved for..Its something that defines me perhaps...

but, independence is very much abt control..self control..I believe, very strongly that is..Independence is like courage. Courages is a quality of spirit that enables you to face danger of pain without showing fear..i somehow feel that courage & independence is on the same length...if u know what i mean.

Independence ...it also very very close to my heart..My independence is like being pampered like a Queen or Princess and it doesnt stop there. I have to choice to be pampered or not...its in my hands. I chose to be pampered...:)Thats independence. I also have the ability to chose not to be pampered. When u understand what i mean..U know & have experiencedINDEPENDENCE!

I am extremely happy..

2004-07-23T04:40:00.000-07:00

for some unknown reasons i feel extremtly haapy n energized today..its been a while i feel this way.. i love this life.. i love my frens :)

My moments..

2004-07-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

So, this is it i guess..But, i hardly recognize u. Who are you? Y are u stalking me? Y r u trying to take over my life? Y am i so feeble to allow you to take over my life? What is happening?

BUT, like i alwais say..THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

Melting Pots, Petaling Street & my Bel!

2004-07-19T00:28:00.000-07:00

It has been a good weekend i believe. Let me begin...Well, i was suppose to fly down to Singapore 2 weekends ago meet up with my very good fren, more like a sister to me.She just came back from Perth for holiday so, since we havent seen each other for a while, i thought it would be nice to meet up with her in SG. We use to live together for almost 2 years...Gosh, when i came back home for good, i use to think i cant' possibly survive without her. Or any of my friends for that matter of fact...

So, she came down on Sat noon and we went for lunch at a Chinese vegetarian restaurant somewhere near the Legend Hotel. We were talking & talking & talking...i had another fren who hasnt met her b4 follow us and he was completely lost. Next we proceed to Bukit Bintang to buy some DVD & PS2 games. And, this is oficially the 1st time i am boarding on the damm Monorail..hahaha:) It was a rather pleasant experience and i was also quite surprised that the monorail was rather empty.
We spent like a good 5 hours in Sg Wang & decided to have a drink at Starbucks..:) So, as usual, i orderd my Caramel Frappucinno....and somehow it didnt taste like caramel frappucinno..the so i went back to the counter and they only manage to get the right mixture after 4 diff mix...Damm...sily people!

We then decided to go to Petaling Street to check out the place..haha..:) I hate going to places with lotsa people and it freaking hot...i was perspiring like a mad women in PS ...and all i didnt even have the mood or energy to think of buying anything..
Went back to the hotel at abt 11pm..and showered n freshen up..Decided to have dinner at the Concorde hotel cafe..Meltng Pots coz they have Midnite supper..YUMMY!!...But all of us wasn in the mood to eat, we wanted to PARTEY!:) hahah..but, her mom decided to come along anyway, and i felt a little uncomfortable bringing her in to TwelseSI or any other club..:Ps o we sepnt the whole nite catching up at the cafe till like 6am...i only got to bed at abt 7am and i had to wake up the next day at 9am for breakfast and we were suppose to go to Midvalley...So anyway, i got up at 10am ..thanks to a call from office..sigh...
Its ok i guess..woke up and spend half an hour trouble shooting over the phone while trying to get changed n all..:)

FYI..i am bloody exhausted..my legs feel like jellY!!
So anyhow, i missed breakfast and went to MVM to take my friend shopping..:) and we had our favorite...SUSHi..this was also the time where all my dirty little secrets were finallly exposed ..hhhmmm..hahahah its all good!

After all the hugging n teary good byes..it was already 6pm and i need to go to werk!!damm...so come in to werk at abt 6 something..sorted a couple o things and i need to visit my MOM...damm..i feel like collapsing already...went home to my mom's place at abt 9pm and spent some quality time and talk to my family, irritated the hell out of my siblings...and HOME COOKED food...i cant hardly eat coz i was extremely tired!
After all the drama, its all back to my mundane & perhaps meaningless life.. I miss myself!

The Birth of Courage

2004-07-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

Is this it? the birth of courage?Well good..time to teach & train courage:)

c0uRag3

pain

falls apart

The thing is....

Brand New Start!

Obituary

Desafinado

A ray of hope

*17 again*

Work

The Reality

It's my world

In Dedication..

Mized Feelings

Freaked Out

I am in so much pain

My mission

I cant believe it

Bummed out

All pumped up again....

I get it

Barely Keeping Me Alive

Saturday

The weekend is here again

My thoughts

Crash & Burn

I'm Sorry

It's not happening

Another great night

No commitments

Motionless

This is it

It's not funny

Strength

Dreams Do Come True

Not cut for the industry

Passion

Passion

Courage

Courage

Defeat

Make It Happen

Dissapointment

Dissapointment

Seventeen again.........

You

The Night Out

he does it again & again...

defeated..

i wanna smile...

Wat's goin on?

My doomsday!

~what dr3ams may come~

Courag3's Dreams....

i Miss Bel!

should i take a stroll or stay in self destruction?

*bLanK*

City by The Sea

Find Me Some Courage

High Spirits

~strange~

beauty.....

My thrist to perform...

Haunted!

emotions, spirits & strength

Choice...

Independence....

I am extremely happy..

My moments..

Melting Pots, Petaling Street & my Bel!

The Birth of Courage

17 again

bLanK